DIALOGUE
EXERCISE
“It’s a
shame that you won’t wear my red sari for your wedding. I thought it would suit
you very much”, said Anita’s mum Anu.
“I really
don’t wear to wear a sari Mum. I prefer a red Punjabi suit”, said Anita.
Her mum Anu
looked disappointed as she spread her wedding sari over the bed. Anita was at
her mum’s place to discuss the final details of her wedding to Michael.
“In my day
weddings were a huge affair in Calcutta
“Look
Michael and I don’t want a fuss”, Anita said. “Weddings are costly affairs. We
rather put the money towards our own flat deposit. You taught us to be
practical mum! Three days of wedding celebration – we will be bankrupt and
anyway half the people you wanted to invite we don’t even know them!! We just
want a small intimate ceremony, with intimate family and friends. Nothing
more”.
“Doesn’t
tradition mean anything to you? I know your father and I brought youyou’re your
brother up in the UK
“I haven’t!
I am proud to be a British born Asian. I do love Calcutta
and West Bengal . I love the food, the culture
and the language. But I have to follow
my own heart and my own destiny mum! Why can’t you see that? I have been
brought up with both cultures, I have taken the best from both and now I have
to follow my own path. I can’t live up to your society’s expectations all the
time!”
“Sometimes
I think you and your brother have deliberately rebelled against every virtue
your father and I ever held dear. I
thought your brother would be a doctor. No he went off and became a painter and
I thought you would want to be a lawyer like your grandfather. He was a good
Barrister. But no you went and studied Fashion and you are marrying Michael who
has no understanding of our culture or customs”.
“Michael is
South Indian mum and is a very good tailor with his own business. I thought
that would meet your approval at least! And Rahul has does very well as a
painter. You and dad did not even bother to go and see his first exhibition in New York
“Your
grandfather never forced me to marry your father. Who told you that? I was
always a dutiful daughter. We were introduced and then I married your father
the next day. I grew to love your
father in a caring way. These days you young women want passion, love and
romance!”
“Yes we do
mum and I that’s what I have with Michael!” said Anita.
“And how
long do you think that will last? He is not even a Brahmin”
“Michael
and I have been together for five years and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together”
“How could
you live with Michael without getting married first? Hmm? Your brother lives
“in sin” with that Chinese pot maker”, said Anu in disgust.
“Mum, Li
Ann is an artist as well and she makes beautiful pots. Anyway Michael and I
were engaged when we chose to live together. Its good to live together then one
knows what they are letting themselves in for”.
“But does
it not take away the excitement of getting to know one another? Its like now
that you and Michael are getting married you already know what its like to live
together. There is nothing to look forward to. Been there and done that comes
to mind”, said Anu.
“There is a
lot to look forward to!”.
“Yes like
what? And don’t tell me your bedroom secrets please!”
“I wasn’t going
to! Well we might have a child. You will be a grandmother how about that?”
“And when
will I become a grandmother? When I am gone? You and Michael are such high
flyers with your careers. Would you have time to raise a child? Or maybe I will
be a convenient baby-sitter. A woman should be there for her child, like I was
there for you and your brother!”
“Our
careers are important to us Mum! Yes of course I will be there for my child!
And like you and dad I won’t be hoping for boy! I don’t care as long as the
baby’s healthy. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that you and
dad favoured Rahul over me. That’s’ why I was determined to carve my own life
and make my own choices. Also mature mums do make good mums you know!! Michael
and I have an equal partnership and we will take turns in childcare. He just
won’t just leave me holding the baby!! He will do his fare share of nappy
duties!! ”
“Careers?
What careers? Being an accountant, a lawyer, scientist, doctors that is a
career! A son is important too! They carry the family name. They look after
their parents. A daughter leaves home with her husband. They go and live with
their in-laws. We have to pay out your dowry and that’s expensive!” said Anu.
“That’s
interesting! Because at the end of the day Rahul is in New York
“Yes I can
see that and you want your guest to give donations to your favourite charities
as a wedding present! I thought you would like a good set of pots or pan or
something for your flat to start married life off with”.
“We already
got everything mum. Remember we already live together!”
“Well I
guess I have to accept your point of view. In my day it was so different. But I
can see the generation divide is so huge. But you are my daughter and you are a
good daughter and yes I want you and your brother to be happy. If it means
living your own life with your own terms I can live with that. I am your mum. I
do have a right to share my opinions” said Anu.
“Yes you
do. I know you have unrealistic expectations of Rahul and me and I have
unrealistic expectations of you and dad as parents. I guess we just have to
respect one another’s viewpoints. I really want you and dad to be at my
wedding. I would hate if you weren’t there. This will be such an important day
for me and Michael. I want everyone that I love to be there”.
With that
Anu got up and hugged her daughter. “Of course we will be there. We love you
and you are our only daughter. How could we miss your wedding day?”
With that
Anu put away her wedding sari back into the wardrobe.
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